When you look at communication, we are taught to think that the words we say are the most important. Yet, the words, form about 7% of the total communication between two people.
Roughly 38% are determined by how we say the words (voice qualities), and an astounding 55% by non-verbal communication or body language. This means that it is not only important what you say, but how and with what gestures.
At first this might seem not totally believable, so let’s look at an example: Imagine you present an idea to someone, and they, with a sarcastic voice tone and shaking their head say: “Yes, that’s a great idea!?” Which part of their communication will you believe the words or all the rest? As humans, we have the tendency for consciously computing the words, and unconsciously all the rest, and if the messages sent don’t fit together, we get a feeling of something not being quite right.
What do you need rapport for? I hear you say? Well, apart from unconsciously making the other person believe that you two are alike, it massively increases response potential. As a consequence, it will be easier for you to lead the other person to your point of view.
So, how you create it? Well, somewhere in the 1980s body language books were preaching the concept of mirroring, where you simply mirror all the gestures somebody does. While this is one possibility, there is a high chance this will be quite obvious, and as a result will make you look slightly strange, and the other person will feel quite uncomfortable.
Knowledge & Information vs. Wisdom & Awareness. You may read books on quantum physics but this doesn’t mean that you necessarily get on well with quantum scientists.
can empathise and understand others or communicate Secret Sales to potential clients.
Connecting with other people isn’t the same as being able to understand your own emotional intelligence and inner self. Intrapersonal Intelligence is the ability to manage yourself and become more self-aware of who you are and what makes you tick.
Let’s look at time wasted on unresolved conflict. When this happens we simply spend time on negative emotional responses that serve little or no purpose towards the core outcomes of the business or your own goals. High EQ thinkers resolve conflict quickly and effectively and therefore able to deliver high performance.
Untapped potential: People use approximately 30% of their potential ability at work mainly because they don’t have a leader or mentor to encourage or motivate them to unlock hidden skills. EQ leaders develop their teams and provide opportunities for individuals to express themselves more effectively.
Lost customers: To create an advocate means taking a current customer and generating service built around trust, respect, quality and appreciation – all EQ led attributes
Cost of stress related illnesses: Modern life is now more and more technology reliant however health is based around the mind and body connection. So, when it comes to well-being you can forget ipads and blackberrys, how you think and feel about the world often dictates how you respond to situations and being able to use EQ thinking with make you more mentally resilient and mindful.
Unresourceful thinking: Limited and restrictive mind-sets can create safety and security perhaps comfort however if you truly want to make a difference then you can never stop learning. The world evolves and you need to evolve with it to become truly successful. EQ thinkers now that their reality is simply a reflection of how they have filtered the experience and the world around them, because of this they become aware and agile in their behaviour.
This is the essential premise of EQ: to be successful requires the effective awareness, control and management of one’s own emotions, and those of other people. EQ embraces two aspects of intelligence:
Mirrors: Understanding yourself, your goals, intentions, responses, behaviour and all.
Windows: Understanding others, and their feelings towards you and their world.
Empathy is an invaluable asset in business especially now we have so much distraction, tech and time pressures. We really need to invest some time in engaging with staff, customers and each other more often as meaningful relationships are the basis of an organisation or business.
The six ‘domains’ of EQ: